I will try again tomorrow. This is not the kind of silence I like.
I think I’m going to bed early for a change, I wanna have a night of repairing sleep for once.
Kids Don't Follow / Raised in the City (The Replacements cover)
Think about anyone who has come out as bisexual in the media. Megan Fox, Billie Joe Armstrong, Margaret Cho, Anna Paquin, Megan Mullally, David Bowie, Angelina Jolie.
Their sexuality is usually glossed over — often times, the media decides the person is either gay or straight, depending the relationship they are currently in or the relationship they get into in the future. If a man comes out as bisexual and in the future gets into a relationship with another man, people generally define him as homosexual (such as Alan Cumming). It’s important to note both homosexual and heterosexual people are monosexual and only attracted to one gender. In saying someone is straight or gay based on who they are currently with totally negates an individual’s identity.
Several people throughout have been classified as monosexual, despite identifying as bi. Marlon Brando himself was bisexual and he’s well-known as a “manly” man, it’s no surprise that people would want to erase his sexuality to fit their perception of him. Anne Frank was also bisexual; she wrote about having a love for girls and wanting a girl to date in her diaries. Angelina Jolie is one of the most well-known bisexuals and she still gets marked under a monosexual title because of her long term relationship with Brad Pitt. Yet, in doing this, people are neglecting her identity."
Some things in life are hella hard, but coming off opioids has to be one of the hardest.
I’m really fucking thankful I decided to stop before it got serious. I really hate when people tell heroin and opioid addicts in general to “just quit”. Opioids can make you an addict after just a few uses. You take your pill or shoot some shit up your veins one or two times and you’re already in a vicious circle, spiraling towards destruction.
I’m gonna be honest and confess I want to take the fucking pill and go get a refill. It’s completely unconscious. Yes, people can relapse from just having the drug near them or even seeing images of it. No, they’re not “pussies” because of it. We are not “pussies”. I think that unless you’ve been through this shit, you’ll never now how fucking hard and horrible this experience is.
Willpower is not the only thing that matters when your brain and body chemistry are completely fucked.
And I write about this because it’s really hard not to do it. It’s hard to stay relatively sane when dealing with addiction and depression at the same time.
Movie night with Amy has been the best thing that happened to me in a good while.
Slow down, stop completely. Make that anger productive. Smoke a joint, maybe two or ten. If you prefer not to, focus on what doesn’t make you angry. Tell everyone you really love how you feel about them: parents, siblings, friends, even a significant other if you happen to have one. Tell everyone you hate how you feel about them, too.
Pick up an habit, but instead of smoking cigarettes or drinking, make it writing, painting, whatever makes you use energy positively. If you get angry or frustrated, don’t hold it, scream, go running, but do it alone. You’ll realise how worthless those violent feelings are if used to harm or affect someone. Use them instead for positive things.
Embrace other points of view. Sanity is not acting like others, but feeling comfortable with your own mind and the workings of it. Write haikus about breaking someone’s face, or draw them being miserable. As “sick” as it sounds, it’s actually an act of catharsis. That’s why listening to brutal death metal or any other kind of “gross” music makes some people feel so good.
Forget about the notion that anger is something you should be holding back, but instead of hurting other people and destroying everything around, build upon it. It’d surprise you how many things I’ve done with anger as a driving force, and how many of the greatest things done by the human species were fuelled by anger.
If you fail to control it, don’t feel bad or sorry. Apologise and be blunt: “I had an anger outburst. I’m sorry. I can’t promise you it won’t happen again, but next time you’ll be aware, and this is how you can help me”. While you’re not a sick person, at times, treating yourself like one when it comes to anger issues can discourage such behaviour. Try to find an excuse for your actions, realise how inane or serious they are and work from it.
If it works for you, go to the synagogue, the mosque, the church. Don’t approach religion with anger but as an answer to anger. Some nonbelievers find a kind of peace in religion, while some religious people desperately try to get away from their beliefs. It works for some, and it’s worth mentioning because of it.
Wake up. You’re a human being. Fuck what lots of people here say. You are capable of loving. Well, love. As simple as that. It’s a long process and a hard transition, but totally worth it.
I failed to remind this to myself many times.